west coast breeze

perhaps part of my absence here has been a bit of a refreshing break. from being on the road, to settling in, to now being employed, to always and continuously taking most of what extra time i do have to spend with nora. the winds have been blowing here, perhaps the west coast breeze has brought a change in me. i have the overwhelming desire to get it together. to make goals, and achieve them. to stop dreaming and start doing. to try and fail and try and fail and just keep on trying despite what seems like failure. this overwhelming desire to be myself, to recognize who i am, and who i have always been and hold dear to that. to bring out the things that are me and always have been. to stop searching, hoping, waiting, pleasing. and start recognizing and legitimizing my own feelings, desires, needs, and wants.

i presume this may sound a bit silly for those of you that don't particularly know me. i often invest so much of myself in others that i loose track of who i am and what is actually important to me. i loose track of my own needs, my own desires, my roots. i loose myself in people. 

i believe that being away from all safety nets, being put in a position where failure is not an option, mothering instinct kicks in and ive just made it work. this has been the experience i have had in portland. this experience has brought a strength from within myself that i had not fully known or experienced before. 

i am so absolutely blessed by the wonderful people the Lord has put into my life. from family members, to dear friends. myself and my family are always supported and looked after, and as much as i appreciate always having that escape route, the opportunity to find myself is far greater than i had imagined it would be.